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It takes an enormous amount of strength to muster the courage to see that your child is not on the same developmental path as others. It takes even more courage to follow mother’s intuition, walk into the pediatrician’s office and with great resolve (and no tears) tell the doctor that there is something wrong with your child and you need help. In my experience, some parents find the help they need the first time and others need to search for an answer.
We live in a country that likes quick answers: Here is what is wrong and here is what you do to fix it. The wrong diagnosis by the right people (e.g. professionals) is likely as damaging as the right diagnosis by the wrong people (e.g. your mother-in-law). The delay of the right diagnosis by the right people is just as damaging. There is no substitute for Mother’s Intuition. Many diagnoses reach “popularity” (like ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, and Restless Leg Syndrome). There are many families frustrated by the lack of answers from Superstar Clinicians: a specialist in Disorder 1; another in Disorder 2; and another in Disorder 3. Resulting in different diagnoses; a lot of effort with little change; and resource depletion: time, money and most precious-the child’s self-esteem.
Initial diagnosis is like pouring a foundation to build a house: A structural engineer plans for soil and materials, so the house remains standing. If your Mommy Gut tells you that something isn’t right, you now have another hat to wear as Mom/Case Manager. As Case Manager, picking the person and not the diagnosis will help you to pour a solid foundation. The following are some things to consider in your selection process:
- Get the Right Diagnosis from the Right Professional.
- Have an extensive assessment by an experienced professional (e.g. a medical doctor or a neuropsychologist). Extensive means “Quantitative Data” as in skills and abilities are measured and compared to age.
- Qualitative Data gives meaning to the Quantitative. It also means many hours of observation of your child at home, at school or daycare; conversations between the examiner and yourself, teachers, day care workers, and anyone really close to your child. Qualitative Data is subjective and can be costly to pay a professional by the hour so it likely won’t be covered by insurance.
- Get letters from everyone stating their observations of your child to submit to the examiner.
- Start a file where you keep copies of all this information in chronological order.
- Do your due diligence. Get referrals from people you trust. You want to work with someone that you can talk to. If you think “I would never want to have coffee with this person” or if you can’t imagine calling this person in 5 years to brag about your child’s progress; chances are good that you will not feel comfortable seeking help for your child with them either.
- Listen with your Mommy Gut. Don’t get dazzled by credentials and institutions. Interview the examiners. Ask questions and listen to how they answer: Do they take the time to talk to you? What are they saying and not saying? ” If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail” test is a good indicator. Do you get the feeling that they have a mind lock on things?
- Ask for references. Listen to the level of care that they received. How much the family felt cared about and cared for?
- Cheaper can be more expensive. School districts need to offer “free” evaluations because you are a taxpayer but it may not fit your need. If you want to save money, cut corners somewhere else but spend it on your child’s evaluation. It will save you from another evaluation down the road.
- Don’t be the professional. Even if you have the credentials and experience, you can never be objective about your child. Leave the diagnosing to the professionals you choose. Focus your energy and efforts on being the case manager, cheerleader, home treatment provider, chauffer, spokesperson and advocate.
- Have an extensive assessment by an experienced professional (e.g. a medical doctor or a neuropsychologist). Extensive means “Quantitative Data” as in skills and abilities are measured and compared to age.
- Assessment is continual. “Qualitative data in real time” is important information about the journey.
- Keep a journal about the good, the bad and the ugly.
- Keep a daily log between the teacher, the other professionals and yourself.
- Keep a journal about the good, the bad and the ugly.
- Let your Mother’s Intuition be your guide.
- Focus on what you can do and not what should have been.
- Find and enlist support where you can learn and be supported in your decisions. The keyword is support and not whines or criticizes.
Is Mother’s Intuition a Diagnostic Tool? No matter how a child comes to be yours, they have been placed in your family because there is a Higher Power who knows there is no better Mother for this particular child than you. As this child’s Chosen Mother, your intuition is and always will be True North for everyone on your team.
Gabrielle New-Seekely is a Certified Educator, a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Coach through the International Coach Federation, and a Trained Mediator. She is trilingual in English, Spanish and French and has more than two decades of a wide range of experiences in education and mental health. An international coach and consultant to professionals, business practitioners, schools and families, she also is a eWomenNetwork Premier Coach alumni.
Gabrielle presents on various topics related to education and mental health. She is currently completing her first book, "Kaleidoscope Life" is scheduled for release in July, 2008. You can contact her at gnew-seekely@letsmakeitso.com
